Degree. Job. Marriage. Babies. Grand babies. Great-grand babies. Meet my maker.
There is little about life, I’m learning, that is as simple. Those things are beautiful in their own right – but they are not the things that I aspire towards, and they shouldn’t be.
Spiritual doctrines and culture have taught me that I am not whole, not singular entity – missing a piece or 5. So I need to find my better half, make little mes, get that job, fit into the grand scheme of things.
But I am not. I am complete in my singularity, complete in my being. It takes a lot to unlearn these things and release them to the wind. Let them be choice and not obligation. Love is beautiful, life is a miracle, work is imperative, togetherness is powerful. All of these, however, are only opportunities to improve upon my oneness.
It is conscious reminder from the moment I accepted this as truth – my wholeness – that’s allowed me to keep it; believe that I lack nothing.
Quiet, silent vulnerability, carries with it a sense of emptiness for some, for me at a point, and in the absence of solitude it still makes me a little anxious. But this I was taught – to fear aloneness through pop culture. Although we are social beings, and we are of one, there is beauty in lonely, discovery in having only you to be for, to live for.
A friend of mine asked me what I looked forward to this year; my year of 21.
Loving me, for the sake of no one else but me. Discovering all that is within, instead of grasping for things outside of me, blindly, in the hopes of filling a place inside that I have yet to connect to, yet to understand as once filled, not always vacant vacuum.
21 will be a beautiful mess of wonder, and I cannot wait to pin it up and grow towards every year that follows – always celebrating the woman I am, in that moment, ugly out, beautiful shining, and unapologetically raw and vulnerable to a life of uncertainty and fickle choices complimented by bold strength, and pure forgiveness – acceptance.
This year, I get to celebrate that.
I thought I’d have more to say about this, because the song in all it’s wonder grants me so much clarity, and peace of mind, but apparently I don’t. Maybe because it speaks so well for itself.
So happy birthday to me!
Enjoy the song.